As the holidays draw nearer, most of us need to face the fact that leaving the organic wine bars of East and heading back out into the places we grew up is unavoidable. And considering what comes with going home for Christmas (e.g. drinking in the only pub in town, running into your toxic ex, and being asked by your nan “why are you so attention seeking?” because you wore a mesh top) looking your best is essential. So, here’s our shopping guide for bracing the frosty attitudes of the locals you’ve been avoiding since high school; starting with…
Chanel 2014 XXL Shopping Basket bag – £115,547 / $145,174.98
Going home always guarantees two things: your mum will drag you to Morrisons to shop for last minute picky bits, and your ex will definitely be there. But at least you won’t be caught pushing a crusty, old trolley around the shop; instead carry your shopping in this Chanel Shopping Basket bag.
Rick Owens X Dr. Martens shoes – £294.49 / $370
What’s more of a power move than wearing a pair of shoes that look like Dr. Martens, but are actually three times the price? They’re the perfect IYKYK reference that’ll make picking out the few people you’re willing to socialise with back home easier; it’s the difference between “I like your Docs” and “I like your Ricks”.
Balenciaga Towel skirt in beige – £695 / $873.21
Your brother has turned the shared bathroom into a breeding ground for viruses since you moved out, and it’s now a hazardous zone. Everything from toilet roll to towels is off limits, but that’s exactly why you brought your own, and it’s Balenciaga.
Isamaya Beauty Lips Colour Infusion lipstick – £80 / $100.51
After a short conversation with your nan turns into an excruciating lecture about “when you’re going to get a real job”, there’s only one way to shut her down: the shock factor of applying a layer of Isamaya Beauty’s lipstick. The packaging alone will keep her well away from you until at least Boxing Day.
Rick Owens Taupe Platform boots – £1,154 / $1449.90
It’s 9pm, raining outside, and of course, the town you grew up in has yet to discover Uber, so it looks like you’re walking to the pub. That’s where Rick Owens’ platform boots come in, because at least they’ll keep the hems of your pants from getting wet on the journey into town. Plus, they’re iconic.
Gucci Oversized Monogram sunglasses in black – £620 / $778.98
Stepping into the carpeted Spoons where you grew up is bound to bring back some harrowing memories from teenage nights out. That’s why hiding your regret, humiliation, and identity behind a pair of Gucci monogram shades is essential.
Bottega Printed Leather Denim trousers – £4,660 / $5854.89
The Regina George type girl from your hometown who’s been retaking her nursing exam since 2019: “I like your jeans.”
You, smugly, because it’s impossible not to be smug in Bottega: “They’re not jeans.”
Marni Fussbett Sabot loafers in orange – £650 / $816.67
Carrying wrapping paper out to the bins never looked better than in these iconic orange fur Marni loafers. They’re the ideal combination of quirk and comfort, which makes them perfect for after a night of wearing platforms to the one local club in town.
The Louis Vuitton: Virgil Album Ultimate Edition book – £1,300 / $1633.34
It’s inevitable that two days into your parents watching you and your siblings doom scroll through Insta they’ll declare a “no phones” policy for Christmas Day. But that’s OK, because you brought a hefty book (Louis Vuitton, no less) to keep you occupied and out of unwarranted lectures. No one can tell you off for reading, right?
Jil Sander Crewneck sweater in black – £1,120 / $1407.18
Your dad is keeping the house at a healthy 10 degrees celsius to save money on the heating, and as much as you applaud his efforts against the cost of living crisis, it actually feels warmer outside. That’s why a chic yet practical sweater, like this one from Jil Sander, is a must for making sure you don’t catch the flu whilst eating your Christmas dinner.
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