How to office siren your way into a promotion

How to office siren your way into a promotion

by Robyn Pullen
13 min

You arrive at work with an iced latte, greet your boss as “babe,” and reply to emails for about 30 minutes before heading off on a long, boozy “business lunch” that wraps up at about 4:30pm (the end of your work day). What are you? Duh, you’re an office siren.

We’ve analysed the fits of five iconic office sirens to create a simple style guide to stealing their looks. Within a matter of days, you’ll be arriving at the office at 11am in a leather suit and slipping out at 3pm for a mani. As you should.

Style 1: Gabbriette
@gabbriette
ARKET V-Neck Merino Jumper – £57.00 / $72.16

A classic, wool knit jumper is an essential in every office siren’s wardrobe. Throw this one from ARKET over a lace bralette and a “way too short for the office” mini skirt, and simply complete your day-to-night transformation by removing the jumper on the way out the door.

Buy

Diesel Black Play Shoulder Bag – £218.00 / $276.00

Wondering what’s in an office siren’s Diesel shoulder bag? Well, obviously a lighter, lip gloss, glasses, switchblade, Sonny Angel, Miu Miu ballet flats, spare tooth gems, and a Diet Coke. No credit card though (their work-wife will pay).

Buy

Lexxola Cherry Alba Glasses – £120.00 / $151.92

If there’s one item in every office siren’s shoulder bag, it’s a pair of sleek, cherry-red square-rimmed glasses. But don’t get it twisted, office sirens have perfect vision; they can spot an excuse to leave their desk from a mile away. 

Buy

Mejuri Patra Chunky Ring – £98.00 / $124.07

One thing about office sirens is they’re going to wear a sh*t ton of rings. Whilst the office uniform can restrict styles, colour palettes, and hemlines (or try to, anyway), it can’t stop you from layering a minimum of eight rings on each hand.

Buy

Style 2: Troye Sivan
@troyesivan
Palm Angels Blue Sartorial Shirt – £317.00 / $401.33

A button-up shirt with a twist is an office siren’s wardrobe staple, due to its wearability and versatility. It’s professional enough to pass for office attire, but with the “Palm Angels” logo peeking out of the pocket adds a touch of that “je ne sais quoi” that every office siren needs.

Buy

Recto Gray Groove Blazer – £576.00 / $729.24

A simple blazer is an essential for anyone who works in an office environment, but the office siren wears their’s a little differently. Unbuttoned with nothing underneath or hung loose over the shoulders, it’s the perfect way to trick HR into thinking you dressed “work-appropriate” for once.

Buy

Louis Vuitton Beaubourg Platform Ankle Boots – £1,300.00 / $1,645.85

Step on that annoying guy from finance’s toes in a pair of these platform ankle boots, with iconic “LV” monogramming on the sole, and trust us, he’ll never ask you where the stapler went again.

Buy

A bunch of diamonds to stick on your suit – £6.00 / $7.60

Get Troye Sivan’s iconic bedazzled suit by purchasing a plain grey blazer and trousers, and adding your own stick on gems to the lapel. Every office siren owns a tailored suit with something extra added, and diamontés can be yours.

Buy

Style 3: Bella Hadid
@bellahadid ©
Miu Miu Striped Cropped Shirt – £900.00 / $1,139.44

Being an office siren is about subverting the office wear stereotype enough that you’re proving you’re different, but not enough to get fired. That’s why Bella’s fitted, pinstriped shirt is the perfect office siren staple. 

Buy

Cubitts Attneave Glasses in Granite – £150.00 / $189.91

Bella Hadid recently called her iconic specs a kind of invisibility cloak that she puts on when she wants to be unseen. For the office siren, the same applies. Slipping on some glasses ensures HR’s gaze falls right past you, no matter the size of your heels or the sheerness of your top.

Buy

Proenza Schouler Black Glove Boots – £604.00 / $764.69

Chunky black boots are the perfect footwear for an office siren, because they can easily transform from a day to night accessory. Rocking up to the office in these won’t attract too much suspicion, but they also pair really well with the indie sleaze style mini dress you’ll change into in the office toilets at 4:45pm before leaving to go to the pub.

Buy

Helmut Lang Black Car Trousers – £255.00 / $322.84

A pair of simple, tailored black trousers should be staple in everyone’s wardrobes, but an office siren owns multiple. Bella Hadid knows how to pair a fitted shirt with flared or cigarette trousers and make it look chic and elevated without trying too hard.

Buy

Style 4: Amelia Gray
@ameliagray ©
Miu Miu Cashmere and Silk Cardigan – £1,290.00 / $1,633.19

Miu Miu is the office siren’s holy grail; they’ll always own multiple pieces from the brand. Whilst you should expect comments from your ageing manager that “I have a cardigan like that,” just trust that they’re getting it confused with something from TJ Maxx and move on.

Buy

Miu Miu Ribbed Knit Jersey Dress – £830.00 / £1,050.81

We’ll say it again in case you missed it the first time: Miu Miu is the It-brand of the office sirens’ uniform. From mesh dresses and cardigans to outerwear-underwear and socks, every office siren is well-versed on everything Miuccia Prada has to offer them. 

Buy

Alexander McQueen Red Glasses – £54.00 / $68.37

Peering through a pair of thin-rimmed red glasses as your manager attempts to fire you for the third time this month packs just enough intimidation to keep their threats of “getting HR involved” at bay. With a pair of these on your head, they can never make you show up to work on time.

Buy

Style 5: Felix
@yong.lixx ©
Givenchy Black 4G Tie – £150.00 / $189.91

For the office siren, everyday is a “black tie” event, which is why owning a literal black tie from a luxury brand like Givenchy is essential. Don’t be caught slacking without a piece of neckwear to elevate your otherwise casual button-down shirt. 

Buy

Sporty & Rich Embroidered-Logo Cable-Knit Vest – £188.00 / $238.02

Prep is back, and the office siren knows it. Invest in a piece of knitwear like this navy vest from Sporty & Rich to take the prep-level in your office wear fits to the next level. Let’s see HR paint you in a bad light when you show up to their intervention in this fit.

Buy

Bottega Veneta Black Tie Derbys – £1,210.00 / $1,531.91

You might not be able to see the shoes Felix is wearing in the above pic, but we know for sure they’re Bottega. Elevated, classy, and out of everyone else’s price range, the statement an office siren makes through their shoes is: “yeah, you wish you owned these.”

Buy

Featured image via @markgong_official©

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